Table for one

It's an interesting feeling to be alone in a foreign country. I mean, really alone. Everyone in the program has gone home and anyone I do know here (people in the ward, etc.) I have no way of contacting. Truly, I'm on my own.
It's a pretty empowering position, I've found. I wake up every morning with the full knowledge that I can do whatever I want to do. That said, I don't behave any differently, but without roommates to greet to classes to attend, the world (or at least the city of London) is my oyster.
Still, I can't decide if I like being alone. Sometimes, it's truly all I want. It's so nice to come and go as I please, to sit and read a book without having to force conversation with anyone, and to be able to experience the world on my own terms, unfiltered through the minds of well-meaning companions. On the other hand, however, it's lonely. When someone does something ridiculous on the subway, you laugh alone. When you're not sure where to have dinner, no one else can make the decision. When you see an amazing piece of theatre, you're hard pressed to find anyone who cares to discuss it. It's the little moments when you really realize how much you miss those well-meaning companions.
So, good and bad on both sides. A little solitude is important, though, and I have to say I am enjoying my quiet end to the London adventure. It's only a few days and, frankly, that's quite enough for me. Still, I've observed some interesting things about being alone:
-When you get dressed in the morning, it's for you. When you set out alone and don't plan on meeting anyone of consequence (i.e. someone to dress up for) it's tempting to simply throw on whatever is lying around and head out the door. I tried this. It's miserable. Self respect has little to do with how many people you have around.
-When you're out, you always have to occupy yourself. There's no one else to occupy you, so you substitute a novel, a notebook, or an iPod in their place. I noticed this not only with myself but with other loners I've observed recently. Even when we have no other people around, we are reluctant to be truly alone.
-You enjoy the world differently. You feel more a part of things when you're not in a group of people. Yesterday afternoon I went for a walk by Buckingham Palace and through St. James's Park. I really felt like I was a part of that park, that I belonged there, and that brought me a great deal of peace and comfort. I no longer identified myself as a member of a group, so there was nothing left but to identify myself simply as a piece of that beauty and serenity. It's a nice feeling.
-There is something absolutely liberating about being alone. Not just that you can do what you want to do and see what you want to see, but that you truly discover who you are. When no one is looking do you still give up your seat on the train? Do you take time at museums? Do you clean up after yourself? Stripped of all the external social forces, how do you behave yourself? This is the true measure of who you are and you can only discover it when you're alone.
I think the most interesting things I've observed through all of this is that we're never really alone (cheesy "Into the Woods" moment). We have to identify with something and when it's not a friend it may take the shape of a book, a park, or a stranger who needs help. At least it's true for me: I crave connection and find it where I can. So, I have one more day to myself. It'll be nice, but to be honest it'll be nicer when I'm with my family and friends again. "Me time" is good only in moderation.