Sunday, December 30, 2007

2008 - How will it be...

Well, it's Sunday afternoon and my last day at home. Tomorrow I'll head back to BYU and begin my exciting year. I don't like making "resolutions" at the start of a New year, but it's always good to make goals. Here are a few of mine:
1. Find opportunities to serve people.
2. Write for two hours a day. For real this time.
3. Read more. Outside of class assignments.
4. Get the most out of every class.
5. Take FULL advantage of London.
6. Have a positive effect on everyone with which I come in contact.
7. Continue to attend the temple regularly.
8. Discover the world around me.
9. Experiment in writing fiction and poetry.
10. Brace myself for whatever surprises may (no, WILL) come my way.
Another big goal is to work all year to start a student run and directed theatre company in Provo. It's going to be a lot of work but if I can do that, this will be a productive year. I'm also seeing that there are plenty of opportunities presenting themselves for me this year and I'm going to do all I can to take full advantage of them and open doors that have been shut up until now. This year I will do great things.
I may also manage to make a relationship work. Ha ha...Reach for the stars, right?

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Reflections on Christmas morning...

Yep, it's Christmas. I'm at home with my family and it really has been a great trip. I'm happy to have a few days off in between CrazyFall and CrazierWinter (before we get to ExcitingSpring). Christmas snuck up on me this year but I'm glad it's here. I got a "Streets of London" map in my stocking; do my parents know me or what? My parents caved and got my little brother a "Wii" which has provided the entertainment for most of the family all morning. You know, it's great that my family is blessed enough to have a comfortable Christmas but it dawned on me this morning how true the cliches really are. This is not about the "stuff." (Though, "stuff" is great...) I'm happy to be here because we love each other and enjoy spending time together.
Okay, enough of that. Let's not get carried away with sentimentality here. Break is great. I'm glad we don't celebrate Christmas when Christ was actually born because I don't think any of us would want to barrel right on into the next semester without some serious time to recharge our batteries...I keep feeling like I should be doing something productive: writing, reading something (that isn't "Water for Elephants"), etc. But this week is dedicated to NOTHING. Can anyone relate to that? Can anyone NOT? I'm having writer's block anyway. Well, not exactly, I guess. I have TOO MANY ideas right now and can't seem to decide where to go from here. I'll figure it out...
Well, Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope your day is going as well as mine.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Progress Report

I do feel terrible that finals weeks feels more like a vacation than anything else. The semester is drawing to a close and, consequently, so is 2007. In a week or so I'll check my grades and go one from there. But, as we all know, grades do not demonstrate much at all. One of my classes asks me to grade myself which I find to be a very interesting proposition and I'd like to take a moment to do just that now.

What Matthew has learned this semester:

1. Things will NEVER go as planned. Something inside of me drives me to make plans, but the truth is I can never predict or fully control the future. Through all this, I've learned to hold fast to the things I CAN control and simply enjoy the ride.

2. Life is full of difficult choices. And things are only going to get harder. It's not so much fun being a grown-up. But that's all part of the deal.

3. I am a writer.

4. I am an extremely fortunate man. I knew this already but it seems I need to re-learn this lesson every time things go wrong. Perhaps putting it in writing will help.

5. Relationships come and go but loneliness is always loyal. Wow, how depressing. It's a harsh reality, though. Get used to it.

6. Operate under the assumption that women ARE interested, rather than the assumption that they are NOT. This simple shift will take you places.

7. It does you no good to change who you are to appease someone.

8. Don't try to fool yourself. You're smarter than you think.

9. It doesn't matter how talented you are, you need to work like crazy if you really want something.

10. Nothing feels better than to be respected.

11. Painkillers are addictive. (No, it's not what it sounds like.)

12. Save yourself from heartache when you can. Sometimes a relationship is going nowhere, sometimes it should never begin in the first place. Sometimes you should get your hopes up, sometimes you shouldn't.

13. Reach out to someone who's having a worse day than you.

14. A's don't mean everything. But they feel good.

15. The most important friendships will keep themselves alive.

16. A little killer instinct goes a long way.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Child's Play

It seems that no matter how old or developed we are, how mature we think ourselves to be, it all goes out the window when it comes to relationships. I recently observed a thirteen-year-old boy playing matchmaker with people much older than he. I laughed at this, wondering why self-respecting college students would listen to the advice of a kid in something so important. Then I realized that we grown-ups, mature and sophisticated as we may think we are, really haven't progressed much from the love lives we led as thirteen-year-olds. This kid's advice is as good as anyone's, really.
I stepped back and took stock of my own dating strategies: flirting shamelessly, making myself look better than I am, interrogating girls' roommates, and (most recently) following the advice of kids in junior high. I thought about myself at thirteen and the mad crush I had on a girl named Chelsy. Our "romance" started at a seventh grade band concert. She was the cutest girl in the trombone section. (The only girl in the trombone section, actually. But cute nonetheless.) Step one was to ask around about her to be sure she was my "type." (At thirteen I think the criteria was: bike-riding ability, love of candy, and an appreciation for "Boy Meets World.") Next, naturally, I befriended her little brother and got him to get me an "in" with his sister. I started spending time at their house and falling more and more in shallow prepubescent love with young Chelsy. I was sure to always be wearing my sweet high tops and cool "Rugrats" t-shirt whenever I knew I'd run into her and I made sure she was impressed by my intelligence and wit. My next step was to ask her friends how she felt and as soon as I had the green light I went full speed ahead. She finally told me how she really felt via a letter sent from girls' camp (that's right...girls' camp) and I was in heaven. Not only had my feelings finally been reciprocated, but I had mastered a pattern that has served me well (though that is debatable) until today.
So, here I am, in the same place and up to the same tricks. I wonder what Chelsy is up to, whether she’s still rocking the trombone, whether she has found a better way to navigate the waters of dating and romance. I doubt it. I don’t know if any of us have. I guess I’ll just keep on going. I’m about to step three now…

Monday, December 10, 2007

This Christmas

I've always been very enthusiastic about the Christmas season. As a kid I continually pushed my parents to buy a tree earlier in December and to wake up earlier when Christmas morning rolled around. It seemed that we only had so much time and there truly wasn't a minute to lose. Even as a missionary I got caught up in the Christmas Spirit and wanted to spread that Christmas Cheer for as long as it was in season. The night of Christmas day was the saddest night of the year: it was over and I had another year to wait.
This year, though, there's no anticipation, no tree-trimming, and very little Christmas cheer to be spoken of. Mind you, this isn't to say that I'm unhappy; I'm just surprised that I'm not experiencing the extra helping of energy and eager anticipation that usually acts like a sort of drug for me around the holiday season. Maybe I'm finally growing up and losing my ties to insignificant traditions and meaningless commercialism that has become as much a part of the season as the Reason itself. It's a scary thought. There is certainly no reason to abandon something so positive and uplifting, though it seems I have. But maybe this year it's my turn to count myself among the magi. Let's face it, the shepherds had it easy: angelic visitations, a late-night choir concert in the sky, and a quick walk to the stable in Bethlehem. Sometimes, the journey is longer and the signs far more distant. Sometimes it's more difficult, but the longer the journey the sweeter it is when you finally reach your destination. Nothing has come easily this year. Not even Christmas. And that's okay.
Well, I guess there's no use going on about it. Christmas is coming on fast and if I can't watch "Rudolph" without rolling my eyes this year, I can still look forward to the end of a semester well-done, time with my family, and a the beginning of a new year. 2008 will be great. And Christmas '08? Who knows...

In the beginning...

...There was a blog. Why am I doing this? This is absurd. Especially since I set one of these up last week and forgot my password. Okay, it's serious this time...
To be honest, this is mainly an attempt to make up for being such a terrible journal-writer. I figure this will help me find some sort of motivation to keep a record of my comings and goings. Maybe it's the false notion that someone out there actually cares about what I'm writing. Maybe it's the trendy nature of weblogs that attracts me. Whatever the reason, I'm sure this will prove to be an amazing and life-changing experience for us all...